Sex Please, We're Sixty - Auditions

Written by: Michael Parker, Susan Parker 

Directed by: Teri Ryan 

Audition dates: March 8, 9 

Hey Ft. Gordon, Dinner Theater is looking for 4 women & 2 men for their production “Sex Please, We’re Sixty”  

Plot: 

Mrs. Stancliffe’s Rose Cottage Bed & Breakfast has been successful for many years. Guests (nearly all women), return year after year. Her next-door neighbor, the silver-tongued Bud Davis believes that they return to spend time with him in romantic liaisons. The prim and proper Mrs. Stancliffe, of course, steadfastly denies this, but really doesn’t do anything to prevent it. Perhaps she reluctantly accepts the fact, that “Bud the Stud”, as he calls himself, is, in fact, good for business. 

Her other neighbor, Henry Mitchell, has routinely proposed marriage to her everyday for the past twenty years. She always has the same answer: “They shouldn’t rush into this.” In order to help move their relationship along, Henry, a retired chemist, has developed a little blue pill patented under the name “Venusia” after Venus, the goddess of love, to increase the libido in menopausal women. Always the perfect gentleman, he refuses to try it on Mrs. Stancliffe, but instead has invited a friend to Rose Cottage to test it out. Add to the guest list two other menopausal women who are checking into Rose Cottage today. Victoria Ambrose, a romance novelist, whose personal life seems to be totally lacking in romance, and Charmaine Beauregard, a quintessential southern belle, who has a rendezvous with Bud, and whose libido certainly does not need to be increased. Finally we meet Hillary Hudson, Henry’s friend, who will test the Venusia. 

Bud, inadvertently gets his hands on some of the “Venusia” pills and the fun begins. Bud attempts to entertain all three women but even “Bud the Stud”, cannot maintain the frenetic pace of three women, in three rooms, at the same time. Not surprisingly, they quickly discover his three-timing scheme. 

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED... (Can you imagine three?)  after Hillary tells the others about the Venusia. 

The swap is made. "Bud the Stud" indeed becomes "Bud the Dud". Unfortunately, Henry also inadvertently takes some of the Venusia. We now discover that the Venusia has a strange effect on men. It gives them all the symptoms of a menopausal woman, complete with hot flashes, mood swings, weeping and irritability. 

Menopausal Men! 

Character list:  

BUD DAVIS  (Age 70+) 

The next door neighbor to Mrs. Stancliffe's Rose Cottage Bed & Breakfast. He is weak, frail looking (the frailer the better), and appears at first glance to have 'one foot in the grave.' However, over the years, he has become renowned among the female guests as "Bud the Stud." He claims responsibility for the success of the bed & breakfast, believing all the females return year after year to see him. He enchants all of them with his silver tongue and sexual prowess. (Very elderly, somewhat infirm, chauvinistic, brazen, but likeable) 

MRS.  STANCLIFFE (Age 60+) 

The owner of Rose Cottage Bed & Breakfast. She is a severe woman both in dress and manner. Precise in speech and punctuality, she gives the impression of efficiency and comptetence. She is intolerant of Bud's 'Hanky-Panky', with her guests, but reluctantly has to agree he is good for business. Pursued by her next-door neighbor Henry, she refuses to let him into her life, until surprising events finally bring them together. (Sensible, practical, punctual, business like, menopausal, finally radiant and senuous) 

HENRY MITCHELL (Age 60+) 

A retired chemist and Mrs. Stancliffe's 'Gentleman Caller.' He is a mild mannered man who has proposed to Mrs. Stancliffe every afternoon for twenty years. He is always the perfect gentleman, and shows a great deal of respect for all the women around him. He has developed Venusia, a pill to increase the libido in menopausal women, but refuses to test it on moral grounds. Bud calls him 'A stick in the mud', and he probably is, but eventually comes out of his shell. (Gentle, caring, thoughtful, loveable) 

VICTORIA AMBROSE (Age 50+) 

Victoria is a renowned author who writes steamy romantic novels. She pines for romance in her personal life, but finds none. Flattered at first by Bud's attentions, she later sees him as the shallow, insincere 'Casanova' the he really is and readily joins the plot to turn "Bud the Stud" into "Bud the Dud." (Pretty, serious, intelligent, menopausal) 

HILLARY HUDSON  (Age 50+) 

Hillary is beautiful, well educated, articulate and sophisticated in both manner and dress. She is an old friend and co-worker of Henry's who agrees to test the Venusia pills. Initially skeptical of Bud's attentions, she gradually warms towards him, but is it the Venusia or Bud's charms? (Elegant, charming, best described a 'A touch of class', intelligent and menopausal) 

CHARMAINE BEAUREGARD (Age 50+) 

Charmaine is the quintessential southern belle. She is definitely here at Rose Cottage for "Bud the Stud." Of all people, she does not need Venusia, as her entire life seems to be run by her overactive libido. However, she is a pround woman who will not be two-timed by Bud, and becomes the leading light in the plot to tame him. (Voluptuous, out-going, gushing, demonstrative, southern accent, menopausal) 

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